Emerging From the Coma a Slightly Better Person

I am. At least, I hope so.

My friend Jen Evers recently wrote about "The Beauty in the Breakdown", letting go of dreams, habits,  and people in your life that are no longer contributing to the person you want to be. Embrace the change and learn to roll with it. She's a fabulous writer and kindred spirit. Reading her post really shook me--not in a teeth chattering kinda way, but in a get up off of your a$$ kinda way. Get up, take a breath, and enjoy the moment. If you dwell in your own disappointment, you will miss something.

One of the most challenging experiences recently (oh heck, always) has been managing my own expectations. I have these ideas of what I should have accomplished in life by now. These ideas that I get hung up on, instead of celebrating what I have been able to achieve. I don't have a job right now, much less a career I love. I may not live in the city that I thought I would..but I got on a train to an alien state with my little red suitcase and created a life for myself here. I met a wonderful man who encourages and challenges me. We adopted two rescue mutts into our baby family and bought a house that we love! (Nothing else has ever made me feel like such an adult as holding those keys in my hand!)

So many amazing and unexpected things have come from the most disappointing situations in my life. If I had retreated  with my tail between my legs as I had a mind to in the beginning, I would have missed everything.

I'm taking this as a lesson in living live more gratefully (and dare I hope gracefully).

Starting Somewhere

Our youngest, Hitch, enjoys his first snowfall.

Sitting across from my department head and Human Resources Manager, I felt as if all of the air had been sucked from my lungs. It was one week before my twenty-sixth birthday, two weeks before Christmas, and three months shy of my second anniversary at my first corporate job--I job that I loved and was excelling at. I was told my position was being eliminated. There weren't any opportunities for relocation. My last day would be Friday.

I didn't comprehend much of what was said, but I composed myself as best I could and accepted the black folder as it was slid across the conference table. I asked if I could take the rest of the afternoon off. I needed to go over things with Brad, my fiancé, fellow homeowner, and the cool/calm/collected one. I called him as I left the parking lot and by the time I arrived at his office, he was armed with a new budget, unemployment paperwork, and plenty of Kleenex.

I returned to the office the next day and handed out the Holiday gifts I had been working on--hand painted mustache mugs that I thought would bring a little levity to the most stressful project meeting. I stuffed bags of cookies inside them and left them at every one's desks, packed my things in a cardboard box, turned in my badge, and drove home.

Phew. So there's the elephant in the room. The hulking smelly beast that I simply couldn't avoid mentioning as the reason for my new found free time, the reason why several pieces of furniture in the house are now sporting a coat of paint (despite Brad's initial piece de resistance), why our plans of marriage and parenthood are now on hold and why I started sewing scarves.

Every romantic comedy I've ever seen paints life's endeavors as purposeful dives into the deep end, wanted changes of pace heroines embark on with the support of their family and friends. They happen in light bulb moments of inspiration and joy. In life, you hope big changes happen that way, but sometimes they emerge out of disappointment. Sometimes things don't go as planned and you have to develop a plan C while mourning the loss of a beloved friend. You have to start somewhere.